Unseen path.

January 22, 2014

Life can change in an instant.  A phone call has changed everything. Again.

A baby boy...yet, the phone call was not from our adoption agency for Lesotho, South Africa.  It came instead from San Diego County Child Welfare Services here in California.  The social worker's voice sounded surreal as the words spilled from my iphone: "We have a newborn baby boy who was born on January 16.  He is the half sibling of your daughters....would you foster him?"

This little one whom we'd suspected could eventually arrive through our daughter's precious birth mom is here.  My heart feels sickened.  Joy and love are mingled with fear, grief and awareness of the pain surrounding this child's birth.  We love their birthmother and her pain grieves our hearts.  There is great trepidation in our hearts- knowing full well what this journey could look like....Loving fully while being willing to have a beloved child taken away-   And this time, our daughter's hearts would be especially deeply hurt and that scares me.  Here we go again.  Love hurts.

However, perfect love casts out fear- because Perfect Love lays His life down. Didn't He?  And to Him we will cling when we are weak. And I'm learning that when I'm too weak and trembling to cling to Him, He holds onto me anyway.

We will love this treasured child of God fully for every minute we are honored to care for him.

Psalm 77

Your road led through the sea,

    your pathway through the mighty waters—

    a pathway no one knew was there.

Update:

January 31, 2014

Tears of amazement and joy. In my weakness He is strong and faithful. Our merciful Lord has melted my heart again. We have been chosen by the county of San Diego to be Baby "J----'s" foster family.  After several days (and long nights) of prayer and impermeable obstacles moved, the county chose to place him in our home with his biological sisters.  Praising God we have the honor of loving baby J one day at a time.  The county expects him to eventually be available for us to adopt.  Months of court dates and waiting are ahead...

I wish I could post closer pics but that's not allowed as long as he's still a foster baby.  There is much I cannot post because of confidentiality.  But please be praying that baby J can remain in our home with his biological sisters.  They have asked me "will someone come and take our baby brother away?"   Here we go again.  Trusting- or rather learning to trust- one minute at a time.  

The bond is clear- our daughter's completely realize he's their brother. Beyond beautiful. Beyond grateful they have each other. Today. 

Our entire family is in deep love watching them.  

Our Father is faithful. How come I am so afraid?