Thursday, August 3, 2017
Friday, May 5, 2017
Caterpillars just aren't a necessity.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Easter, combined with precious and treasured Leora and Mohale's birthdays this weekend, cause my grateful heart to flash back to darkness....
Treasures in darkness.
Anxiety shook me to the ground outside our home at 2am. Looking up desperately through damp fog towards the dark, starry sky as I lay trembling on concrete through another panic attack, it felt as if only by a miracle could my lungs keep breathing. My life was safe- yet the life of a beloved child was not. Love freaking hurts. Through deepest salty, pain I begged my Heavenly Father for mercy again "God!! don't let This Child be hurt any more!!! This Child has been through enough horror!!! No more!!!"
Panic attacks are a normal part of adoption for me. You see, I'm not the strong one some assume a mom of 7 may be.
Adoption is deeply hard. These treasures reside in cruel darkness- and to reach them? Yes, we often have to go there... into places darker than any child should ever know.
He stands on dark waters, inviting us to follow.
Blood and darkness precluded our redemptive, life giving, embrace by Him.
Because of Easter,
We celebrate as His children...
Isaiah 45:3...... I will give you the treasures
of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.
Treasures in darkness.
"Mom, Easter means God loved us so much that Jesus died on the cross so we could be adopted into His family."
Our children taste this.
Adoptive families- you taste this rich. As we remember the bloody cross- our hearts flash back to long nights where our own hearts bled with grief, anxiety, panic, confusion, weariness, pain beyond description as we traversed the Dark Valley of Adoption towards the greatest waiting treasures.
(Some of you are there now.
Know, you are not alone.)
As we remember Easter today- the bloody, wet, horrific crucifixion of our Jesus- taste His love. Savor His resurrection and look up towards the Father who loves truer than any mind can comprehend this side of Heaven.
This ultimate love calls us to Run towards His arms of redemption.
Be still in His gaze and know: He's got this.
He's got your every scar.
He's holding your broken, trembling heart. He's walking this hard road of life with you- redeeming each stumble while pouring out through your brokenness onto others in desperate need of adoption into His embrace.
Breathe in His adoptive love.
We are loved.
Therefore we are free to love.
We are free to run towards the treasures who await in darkness.
We are free to break.
The day will come when your heart will breathe again
and treasures of immeasurable worth will astound you.
Because He died, we can live.
Because He holds our life, we are free to give it away...
What passion has He placed within your heart?
Can I encourage you?
The One who broke bloody to adopt you will never let you go-
He's there as you step out onto the waters...
If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.
Monday, March 27, 2017
How did my broken, anxious heart, get to be their mom?
Gratefulness burst from within as we watched for the first time.
We needed our children- They changed our world. Thanking God today for each one who poured into our son's as we pursued them; for each one who advocated for them; for each one who cheered us on through the tears, anxiety, grief and sleepless nights; for each one who fought on their knees in prayer; for each one who was part of the miracle of Mohale and Joseph-
there were truly many of you.
But oh, what gifts await!
Thanking God and each of you this morning through grateful tears and a heart filled with passion for more children who wait and often pray for a family.
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Even if adoption is not an option or desire, there are many other ways to touch these precious ones.
Go for it...
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Thursday, December 8, 2016
No. It feels impossible.
Back then, I struggled to hope. In that five year season as we stumbled along learning to parent her precious, broken, unattached heart- trying clumsily to build trust and connection,
Love pours from her with beauty that literally changes many who meet her-
(She is worth every tear- even if she were not yet able to love.
But she does love and Oh what a gift it is to be a recipient of her love.)
My heart of love for him would ache for him to find peace-
Discouragement, isolation, and despair felt suffocating in that season.
And I was so afraid-
"I love mama" are words he says often while touching my face with his little hands. Then he collapses his head into my chest and holds tight with smiles that reveal darling dimples in his precious cheeks. My arms have become his favorite place. His attached and regulated and loving behavior is crazy beyond my wildest hopes only weeks ago- This one who stole my heart before we even knew his name has not had a single tantrum in 2 entire months!
and you find yourself within
then let me assure you-
and cry out to
the One who walks close to the broken.
He's there, unfolding beauty...
Sunday, November 6, 2016
This hurting world aches for those willing to let His love shine through our redeemed brokenness-
And through our unique and beautifully diverse differences.
"You are ugly."
became my childhood nick name at school.
in a world that idolizes sameness.
beauty of diversity that weaves us into a work of His art.
In that season, I'd accepted that belief that I was ugly.
I was a white, Christian girl in a culture where Islam was the mandated religion and most had beautiful olive skin.
It often felt "normal" to be on the outside.
My coloring was different and stood out loud.
My love for Jesus was different too- dangerously different. I knew that others had died and many were severely punished in that beloved land because they believed an illegal religion.
because of being different, my eyes were refocused-
I still recall those healing words:
"Stop seeking Love. Because you are already loved beyond measure by the One who gave all for you,
seek to give love."
These words changed my life!
seek opportunities to give this love away-
with no strings attached.
With His love of you as you are, let Him turn your pain into purpose and then
Don't fall for shame or fear or striving to please people- not peers, not professors, not pastors, not the public, not even parents.
Loved beyond your capacity by the One who designed your unique DNA.
Through awareness of His LOVE for you,
you will come to understand that different is an incredible gift.
Don't miss out because of what you think others want you to be.
Go change the world- not your differences.
Rock your differences. They are beautiful in His hands.
fear not a broken heart.
He will be close.
Friday, October 28, 2016
|One year later, Alyssa and Mohale|
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
"Let's move forward towards adoption"
I recall that moment in 2009 crystal clear-
Tears dripped from my chin as David's gently spoken words sounded like a miracle.
His words felt like a miracle because,
timing was illogical by human standards- on so many levels-
We felt too broken.
(that's a story for another time.)
Yet, the passion He placed in our hearts
called us trembling and broken out of the boat.
I again shudder to think
"What if we would have stayed safe?"
We sat on a sofa at Mohale's orphanage on the opposite side of our world waiting to see his face.
It was a miracle that we were even there.
We'd adopted him 18 months prior.
After 18 months of hurdles, hoops and red tape, we had been ready to travel to our son. But our USA government required instead that our adoption of him be legally dissolved and started all over.
It took another full year to dissolve and adopt him from afar for the second time.
The entire process took three years.
Depression? Yes. Horrible depression.
Many told us to give up because
"If it's this hard, it must not be God's will."
One year ago today, we celebrated, in exhilarating victory.
It felt really like a dream coming true- because it was.
|Our boys had known each other barely one day and already were a comfort to each other.|
Link: Joseph's adoption
He was placed in my arms one year ago today. Mohale quietly sat as we gently adored him. This son of mine was afraid and dazed at what was happening. Can you imagine from his perspective? We were strangers to him. Only 2 1/2 years old, he clearly had no idea who we were as we drove away with him from those he loved and the only "home" he'd ever known.
Our frightened son had no idea of the fight for him that had begun long before he'd been abandoned in that ditch by a hurting and desperate woman struggling to survive- long before he'd been brought to Beautiful Gate orphanage and loved by them as a priceless treasure.
his adjustment has been far easier than most post-adoption adjustments.
It speaks volumes about those who loved him passionately in the wait.
It speaks volumes about how they are changing lives of orphans- most of whom are not adoptable.
Have you noticed that our Jesus asks us to walk towards the broken?
(Fear not being broken- it is exactly where He calls us.)
We were told over and over by well meaning others that adopting was not wise.
"Your hearts are too broken for this. What about your children that you are already responsible for? What will this do to them? How will you have time for them all? You will be too tired! What about the cost? You will never be able to pay for it. What about retirement? Isn't this too much pressure on David?"
We've watched our childrens hearts grow in faith as miracles unfolded.
We've watched their broken hearts be comforted and impassioned for those close to His heart.
have become forever changed by passion for Mohale and Joseph.
Our oldest children were forever changed by passion for their little sisters.
Each one is undeterred by the thought of risk.
I do not deserve this honor and I pray daily that our Shepherd loves you through me.
|First Fall together|
What risk have you considered stepping out towards?
With all of our adoptions (and risky biological pregnancies)
I sobbed oceans of tears and begged God to explain cruel suffering to me and still have no answers.
Miracles are only experienced when they are needed. Dare to step out to where miracles were needed.
Because most of us are not rich and feel stressed by finances, Ive got to say-
we had NO MONEY for this adoption.
The miracles of provision to pay for this have been crazy mind blowing-
unbelievable and only explained by supernatural.
(Ive got to do an updated post on those!)
He invites us to walk on water towards Him-
The ONE who carried a cross for our adoption invites us to follow Him back into the valley where His redemption is craved...
Dare to step out of the boat...
These treasures are worth indescribably more than a shattered heart.
Link to his adjustment process: Post adoption Adjustment
Link to Joseph's adoption: Joseph's adoption