Storms are lonely.

I am weak.

Often this bathroom becomes a place to cry, pray and regroup from discouragement. 

Courage is hard. 

And twice in the last few days,
friends have called in tears too-

they've called while hiding in a closet or bathroom-
just so emotion can spill for a quick moment before jumping back into the trenches of painful parenting-

because parenting children with special challenges-
great or small,
is a lonely and often discouraging road.

Gratefulness that He is strong brings hope that breaks into our weary hearts.

I've slipped into despair- even though we've been so abundantly rich with gifts- 7 children, a miracle home, a job, 4 adoptions finalized- which anyone on an adoption journey knows that is a GIFT.  Miracles happen each month so our bills are always paid!  The local public school has been an incredible gift in helping us address learning challenges that were beyond my capacity to manage.   We are grateful and our littles are thriving there in ways we'd not even anticipated.

Also, we've been approved for an autism specialist to come to our home and help with one of our treasures three times per week!  It has been another gift!  Clearly, I should be flying high from gratefulness. The gifts that surround us are abundant!

Yet,

for the last month I've been in a funk-
It started with a phone call making us aware of a specific child who could need a home and then, doors shut preventing that child from being available.

When pain in the life of an innocent child cannot be stopped-
I still don't have a handle on coping.

I scream out ugly, sobbing and angry to our Redeemer
"Why must little children be raped and battered??
Why must wickedness beyond comprehension happen to even children?"

These screams are heard by the One who hung naked, bleeding and scorned to adopt me.

Yet, I still cry out in our cold bathroom for those whose screams are not heard-
He calls us to run to the least of those-
to be a voice for the voiceless-

Yet,
the closed doors to reach them seems to be so tightly shut.

He does miracles.

But today,
I ache as silence hurts.

Our hearts are forever broken over vulnerable, hurting children.
Inside, I scream that somehow, each one could be rescued-
but in this broken world-
so many continue to suffer from indescribable cruelty.

"Christy, they can't all be helped."
I realize this, but seriously,
how can we sit back while children are being wickedly harmed?
Grief.

Then, as we ache for a hurting child who is out of our reach,
 just the crazy business of life and parenting so many treasures-
some with daunting behaviors-
has me slipping my gaze off of the source of our strength.

I've been horribly weary.

Sleep deprived and weary, discouragement and grief resurfaced like
steel  weights on my chest...

Yesterday I got away alone for a few hours just to refocus on the source of our strength.

Driving and praying yesterday, this song came on and It seemed that God was speaking hope, lifting the weight and normalizing the grief I feel from life in this broken world.
Somehow normalizing pain,
helps to refocus it into strength.  

Tenth Avenue North, "Worn"

and this one too-

Joy has returned today and I'm reveling in the gift of being the mom to each of our 7 miracle children.

Gratefulness
has a way of providing strength.

LONELY

Loneliness is a familiar companion of mine.

Mom's of children,
Mom's of children with special needs,
Mom's who feel isolated, weary and discouraged,

Do you hide in the closet or bathroom to cry?

Please know-
You are not alone.

 He is in those most excruciating places of brokenness with us drawing closer than ever.

Here are a few of the life supports I've been breathing lately- 

just in case you could use them too.

He's adoring you continually and holding you close.

And can I challenge you today?
Text one of these as encouragement to another mom or friend in a hard place-
chances are, she's been aching for encouragement too...

“There is no one like the God of Israel.  He rides across the heavens to help you,across the skies in majestic splendor.  The eternal God is your refuge,and his everlasting arms are under you.He drives out the enemy before you;he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’  (Deuteronomy 33:26-27)

Isaiah 53:3-4. 

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with much pain. 

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.”

Isaiah 40:29 

“So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever” (2 Corinthians 4:18 NLT).”

The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7 

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:8-10

But the LORD stood with me and gave me strength

2 Timothy 4:17

I will be your God throughout your lifetime--until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. Isaiah 46:4

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we ask or think.  Ephesians 3:20

Remember, 
NOTHING is in vain with Him.  
ALL of our brokenness becomes beautiful in HIs hands.  

Because He holds us, we are free to run to the broken in spite of our brokenness.