In 2013 as a mom of 5 children, I started this blog as we began the process to adopt two more. We assumed both would be from Africa, but one treasure came through foster care and the other from, Lesotho, Africa. This blog is a journal. It's personal and reveals my weaknesses. I have recently made it public in hopes of encouraging others in whatever passions, risks, or dreams God has placed into hearts.
GRATEFUL ON MOTHER'S DAY!! This is my first Mother's Day with ALL SEVEN treasures home!!!
To my kids-
My heart overflows with grateful love beyond description for each of you.
Thank you for being you.
Thank u for grace and laughter as we figure this parenting thing out on each of you.
I LOVED THIS DAY WITH EACH OF YOU!
YOU MELT MY HEART!
Because we are all broken,
And because Mothers Day can have a way of reminding me how short I fall of perfection,
I want to share gratefulness for
MY BROKEN MOM
(Her story is here: birth mom)
2 Corinthians 12:9 “(God's) grace is all you need. (His) power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to rejouce in my weaknesses,.... For when I am weak, then I am strong..."
In our brokenness- our grief, mistakes, losses, failures, striving, loneliness, ugliness, obstacles, chains, challenges, hurts, imperfections- in our broken life- He's there leading us, holding our lambs close and breathing purpose through those cracks.
As I held my little boys' beautiful, smooth, tiny hands this week,
my mind flashed heart strings back decades ago...
back to when my hands were small and smooth against hers- worn and hard working- Mom's voice is nearly audible within my bank of savored memories, spoken long ago- "Christy, your young hands are smooth and beautiful, I remember my hands against my grandmothers- her's looked like mine do now. I would play with her veins which popped up..." she laughed and then continued "In my aching and desperately lonely childhood, Grandma was one who loved me- I lived for summers because they'd send me away to her." She paused and then looked at me- her arctic blue eyes were bright between locks of aging deep red hair, "Christy, you won't grasp how much I love you until you become a mother..." I saw the eagerness in her eyes for me to understand. My 10-year-old heart couldn't understand- because I loved her with all my heart- how could love be greater than that?
Yet now, seven times over, I get it.
And I get the struggle that comes from desperately wanting them to understand my love for them- in spite of my brokenness and mistakes- in spite of the times I've had a bad "moment" and in spite of my inability to express love this vast in it's purest form. I get the striving and failing and then the freedom that comes when I surrender to our Redeemer. I get the absolute incredible JOY of being in love beyond my heart's capacity for seven unique treasures.
I get the heart bursting emotions that explode with grateful amazement as I watch my children beautifully bloom- each one unique.
I now daily drink in a love that would jump to take pain or death in their place.
I now understand that look in her eyes from so long ago.
Mom, I now understand how much you love me...
Mom, through you and God, I learned
real love.
In our world filled with unobtainable standards and comparisons,
that is a GIFT.
Mom, your's was a rare and transparent love-
humble, exposed and honest-
not a performing, unobtainable striving-to-look-perfect kind of love.
Yours was a love from above-
poured out through brokenness in it's purest form.
Mom, because you did not follow the push towards perfection, because you have been real and allowed your broken heart to show, because you sought our Heavenly Father at every turn as you felt weak and unable to parent, because you were humble, real, and honest, you have been a better mother than you can dare to imagine. You relied on His strength in your weaknesses. You relied on His redemption in your mistakes, You became my model for parenting-- to Be Real, not perfect and Let HIM do the rest. You continue to coach me in my mistakes- "Turn to Him, He will show you what to do- as many times a day as you need to." You continue to remind me "Don't seek the approval of others! Don't compare! Eyes on Him who adores you constantly!"
I love the way you put your mistakes out there and laugh out loud!
That is freedom our world needs.
That's the freedom I crave at every failure- and lately, in this season, there seam to be many.
You pointed us to Him (and not to yourself or any human"authorities") to learn about True and redemptive love. You modeled the unconditional acceptance you had experienced from Him. Never ever have I felt that it was possible to get you to reject me. You did not hold yourself up, but pointed to His love. Because you were broken, HIS LIGHT OF LOVE SHINES THROUGH YOU AND CHANGED ME and I've seen it be a source of change for more women and men that I could ever count.
My goal, is to be openly broken, imperfect, to be real, before my children-
And then to let them see HIS unconditional redeeming love.
Mom reminds me often in this season of intense parenting and toddler tantrums that "Christy, turn to Him multiple times a day if necessary- He will direct you in parenting their hearts- and redeeming even your blunders into beauty in His time..."
Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand. Psalm 37:24
We are ALL broken.
Our brokenness and uniqueness makes us especially beautiful in HIs hands!!
Often I've locked myself in the bathroom, closet or under the covers and cried out of desperate feelings of loneliness, failure and overwhelming burdens of regret-
And then hope floods in...
Discouraged hearts- in any walk of life,
can I encourage you?
HE CAME TO SET US FREE.
He came to bring good news to the poor, proclaim that captives be set free, give sight to the blind and set the oppressed free. (Luke 4:18)
He REDEEMS!
There are no scars and no mistakes that cannot be turned into purpose when placed into His hands!
Those who have the greatest scars, in His hands, become the vessels of greatest hope and beauty.
This includes our children!
Matthew 11 “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
.
We can enjoy the freedom that comes from purpose breathed into every mistake. And even one hour at a time, we can seek direction from our redeeming Shepherd on how to parent our children...
Isaiah 40:11
He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
Ps. 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.
I will guide you with my eye.
- Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it.
Deuteronomy 3:22
I will guide you with my eye.
Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.
Psalm 32:7
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Celebrating and enjoying the honor of being a broken mom today to seven miracles from heaven.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Until I longed for a child, I had not grasped the depth of desperation that can be the result of a deferred dream.
The day my OB Dr. revealed her concern that my pregnancy with Leora could easily end, was a day my heart fell deep into that sickness. The experienced Dr's concern was underscored by prescribed ultrasounds- 4 each week.
Although glimpses into Leora's unborn world were a treasure, I ached for a day when she'd be safely delivered into my arms.
14 years ago, my "tree of life" exploded with joy as newly birthed Leora was finally placed safely into my arms- healthy, strong, beautiful and deeply treasured.
She came into our arms on her grandmother's birthday.
Oh how I cherish the memories...
Leora was a sweet and gentle baby...
Leora with her big sister, Ianna
Her name means "a light"
-and she has been since the day we learned of her life.
Kind hearted Leora
During each of her last two birthdays, Leora expressed sadness- sadness from a desire unfulfilled. She wanted Mohale home for their birthday. Their birthdays are only 2 days apart.
Last year was particularly difficult as our own USA government had required us to dissolve Mohale's adoption process and start it over. We all felt panicked with fear that our beloved Mohale- who we'd never yet held- would be forever kept from a family- our family.
My heart- and the hearts of our children also, fell into that place of heart sickness from hope further deferred.
(It felt like the longest
high-risk pregnancy ever.)
This weekend, our hearts burst with life, love and laughter. Leora and Mohale finally have their birthday celebration
Together.
Leora's birthday dream from years past, has been fulfilled...
Daiily, she's pouring herself out for others...
and creating laughter in abundance.
The years have unfolded and the sweet little sister also became a middle child and the big sister of 5!
Leora,
You are our miracle.
I call you "angel" because from the moment I learned of your life, your presence felt like a message from Heaven of God's love.
We longed to hold you long before we knew of your presence within
and long before your first breath.
Daily we celebrated your life-
And a day does not go by that I don't Thank God again that I get to be your mom.
You are a gift.
You were created beautifully for a purpose.
You are treasured,
adored,
loved,
and celebrated.
You are precious, priceless and filled with His beauty- inside and out.
You have the gift of creating laughter and your heart lights up dark places...
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous — how well I know it” Psalm 139:14
Three years ago today my son was born into our broken world.
His first mother's heart broke.
Three young heroes on their early morning walk to college found newborn Mohale abandoned, alone, and crying in a ditch.
Mohale was named after one of these three Heroes who rescued him. .
Although we did not know of Mohale,
God had a plan.
The week of his birth was the exact week we began the adoption process as the first American parents to adopt from Lesotho under the new HAGUE accreditation.
(To this date our son is the only Lesotho child to be adopted and brought home by an American family under the new accreditation. Please pray for waiting children.)
One year unfolded-
He was loved by many beautiful hearts and thrived in the arms of those at Beautiful Gate Orphanage who prayed for his adoption-
Beautiful people with beautiful hearts surrendered to love Mohale fully so his heart could be someday healed.
Mohale has bonded and attached incredibly because of those at the orphanage who loved him beautifully in the wait.
His referral to our family came when he was 10 months old.
Referral picture:
Two years ago today, our hearts ached to go and bring our Mohale home for his
1st Birthday
But red tape kept us away and we celebrated his 1st birthday apart.
Another year went by-
One year ago today we were in the midst of more adoption red tape and our hearts ached to hold him on his
2nd birthday.
Another year has gone-
A rich year indeed- that included a trip to Lesotho❤️.
Today we celebrate our son's first birthday home as he turns
3!
Mohale, you are beautiful.
Your heart is gentle and strong.
Your mind is sharp, clear and bright.
And we treasure you, our precious, adored, gentle
SON.
Friends from near and far celebrated your adoption and birth with us this week.
GRATEFUL
Our arms and hearts are full.
For those who wait and wait on dreams to be fulfilled,
don't give up.
Habakkuk 2:3 For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.
Mohale's First Easter HOME! Last Easter was nearly perfect. But at the end of my journaled post, I stated "...hoping painfully with all my heart that treasured Mohale is celebrating with us next Easter." MOHALE IS CELEBRATING WITH US!
We keep a "Celebration Tree" just inside our front door.
During Easter week, nests filled with chocolate eggs remind us of
new beginnings
and feelings of celebration.
Easter morning the kids find "Peeps" sitting on chocolate eggs.
For most of my childhood, Dad worked for an oil company in the Middle East. I grew up in a country where Christians die for their faith. The king had given foreigners permission to keep their faith- with strict guidelines to keep it hidden. People of any faith, besides the government mandated faith of the land, often must choose between denial of their faith and horrific abuse and even death.
At the age of 8, alone and afraid one dark early morning in my tiny bedroom, I could hear the muslim prayer call singing out across the town, signaling that it was time to get up for prayer. Beautiful followers of Allah would dutifully, passionately get out of bed, lay out their prayer rugs and lower to their knees in prayer. Those I knew who followed their hearts in this way were kind and sincere. Calls to prayer sang out over the town five times each day. The familiar song was somehow comforting. Yet, this time, when the song poured in through open windows to my room, fear clenched my heart deeply- like a dog capturing prey in his teeth and shanking it violently.
My parents had been forced to witness a public execution the day before. They had been shopping when police with machine guns ushered surrounding public towards the center of the small city. Never before had Mom and Dad seen such vast amounts of blood. My family had seen streets stained with blood and bodies mutilated as examples of what happens to those who dare to walk outside the religious lines within the beautiful country we loved. We did not live in fear, yet that incident caused fear to rush in like crashing waves from a broken dam.
Realization of what love for Jesus can cost, shook my heart. The land and culture I loved demanded devotion I could not sincerely give.
Jesus was real to me.
Tormented often by cruel, violent dreams, I awoke shaken in the dark of night- too afraid to run or call for my parents. "Fear not, for I will comfort you." Words of peace whispered into my mind, gently filling my heart- dispelling fear with awareness that Jesus was always with me. I turned over and slept again- the most peaceful sleep ever. Morning came quickly.
As the call to pray continued flowing with the warm morning breeze into my tiny bedroom, I whispered a passionate prayer with the rising sun; "Jesus, I am afraid to be tortured and die for you. But if they come, I want to be strong. Please make me strong enough."
Through that surrender, peace came- He'd always be there.
Perfect love casts out fear.
As a child, learning to read was not easy for me, but daily, I would eagerly open my precious, treasured, illegal, little Bible and read about Jesus. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John were favorite books to read in my cherished and worn little Bible. Those four books were written by ordinary men who knew Jesus deeply when He walked this earth. Stories of Jesus, who had lived and loved so near to my childhood home, captivated my heart. Because I lived within a similar Middle Eastern culture, the stories and pictures felt real. His love for the "least of these" within that culture- the poor, broken, sick and fallen, the children and women- drew my heart in to him. I could smell exotic perfumes and spices and feel their middle eastern ways- it felt beautifully normal- yet full of Jesus' poured out love my heart craved. Towards the end of each account, Jesus lays his life down and his body is executed in public- out of love for me. Our family knew what spilled blood and torn flesh looked like- these images were 3D to me- grotesque, terrorizing, bloody and real. The accounts of EASTER- the morning Jesus walked out of the grave, finalizing our adoption as HIs children- changed my heart
and chased fear away. The descriptions of torture He endured are rarely shown on Easter movies- the amount of blood that flowed is difficult to describe. Did you know He was totally naked on that cross? (He had no discrete loin cloth to hide his total nakedness) Sexually exploited and on display Did you know He was so disfigured, that he was described as unrecognizable as a human? I was forever smitten by the love of Jesus- the pain, suffering and shame He chose to endure for me so that I could be ADOPTED into His family- FOREVER.
NO GREATER LOVE I knew He'd given his life for me- He'd endured shame, grief, punishment, rejection for me- long before I even knew of His existence.
"There is nogreaterlove than to give his life for his friends." John 15:13
Friends in our currently free culture,
as our days grow darker within the beautiful free cultures of our world, I'd like to say "fear not." But, we are human and of course we fear for ourselves and especially for our beloved children. Our hearts cringe each time the news exploits images of grieving, homeless parents and newly orphaned children who's lives are mercilessly, grotesquely shattered due to ravaging religious and racial injustice.
However, I can say, that Perfect Love truly does cast out all fear.
HE CHOSE TO DIE so that we could be ADOPTED as HIs very own children. That is our FOREVER FAMILY- literally. Jesus came to die. How did He handle knowledge of His future at the cross?
He kept his focus beyond- Jesus' words: "I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and then can do no more." Luke 12:4
When fear comes in,
LOOK UP TOWARDS HIS FACE.
Somehow, seemingly miraculous love with an eternal focus on HIS INCOMPREHENSIBLE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR US comes in
and chases terror away. He's not detached, He suffered to be close to us in our suffering: He is closer that a sibling. Hebrews 2:18 Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us....
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 27:10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. When we are no longer afraid, we can be available to change the world.
The enemy crucified Jesus. Yet, even in the enemy's greatest victory,
our HEAVENLY FATHER'S purposes were being fulfilled.
Victory was ultimately His.
In that crucifixion our adoption was sealed in Heaven's court.
EASTER MORNING is our adoption finalization day.
That was His pursuit.
Adoption Finalization
Our family story
Our three biological children each came easily- a gift we do not take lightly. Each arrived following nine months of uncomfortable, often frightening pregnancy and a rough physical delivery. Done.
Our four children who came to our arms though adoption, did not come easily.
Our adoption pursuits, like nothing before, brought me to my knees, stripped me down and broke me into pieces. For the first time, clinical depression and anxiety attacks descended upon me. With each adoption, we had to be willing to love a child as our own- and then let that child go- if the courts decided- to a place where I could not protect them.
Mohale's adoption drew out for two years- that felt like forever. Yet, we know many who have pursued longer and those who have lost beloved children to governmental politics.
Out of desperation, for the first time I clung to a bible story I previously avoided- the story of Abraham being willing to lay his son down on the altar in complete trust.
John 3:16 became new, speaking overflowing volumes of true love into my soul
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son.
so that whoever believes in him can have eternal life.”
I read and re-read the account of Jesus’ anxiety in the garden of Gethsemane the night before He was to be crucified.
Minutes, hours, days, weeks and months of learning to lay our children and hearts on the altar of His hands- to trust Him with a child that we adored- resulted in a perseverance that before was weak and a peace I cannot describe.
The road of parenthood, and for us, especially the road to parenthood through adoption, is filled with uncertainty and seems to lay in the hands of so many others. The legal process can be cold, harsh, invasive and often unjust. The cruelty seems to go on and on for months and even years- one minute at a time.
In that context, I read how Jesus, described as "a man of suffering, acquainted with much grief" (Isaiah 53:3 ), hung on the cross after nearly 35 years of living to give His life away for us. From the cross, He declared His last words before giving up his breath…
IT IS FINISHED.
He came to die for our adoption- on a grotesque, bloody cross.
After doing all that was required for our adoptions into His family,
EASTER MORNING our adoption was finalized.
EASTER MORNING became a day to celebrate.
OUR ADOPTION IS FINAL!
We have a new name and a
FOREVER FAMILY
that no one can take away.
FOREVER and EVER and EVER....
Each of our adoption finalizations was met after months and even years of adoring, heart breaking, mentally scorching hoops and hurdles required by our intimidating, invasive legal system. In the end, adopting families go to court and stand before a Judge.
That Judge, slams his anvil down and declares
IT IS FINISHED.
This adoption has been finalized.
This child is an heir of Christy and David.
This child has a new name- the sir name of Christy and David.
Did you know that the child’s original birth certificate becomes invalid and a brand new original birth certificate is issued with the new parents on it?
BRAND NEW IDENTITY.
After every one of our four childrens' adoption finalizations by a judge in court,
our family
CELEBRATED!
Every year on their finalization day we remember and
CELEBRATE!!!
NEW LIFE!
Today is EASTER Sunday!
Celebrate with us this incredible day of new life that was bought with the highest price.
"NO GREATER LOVE"
Your adoption as His beloved child is
finalized.
YOU HAVE A NEW NAME
AN NEW IDENTITY
YOU ARE HIS HEIR
HIS BELOVED DAUGHTER
HIS BELOVED SON
FOREVER FAMILY
He offers this gift of adoption to all who accept it. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
The story of our adoption by our Heavenly Father: Long before we knew of Him, He was pursuing us- all the way to the flesh ripping, soul tearing, heart breaking bloody cross- to secure our adoption as His children. FOREVER. Before we even knew we needed Him- and while we were horribly broken, victimized, betrayed, suffering, abandoned and making desperate mistakes, He was pursuing our adoption as His children. We did nothing to earn His love. He loved and loves us perfectly- in our imperfection. " But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.5 God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.[b]6 And because we[c] are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”[d]7 Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child.[e] And since you are his child, God has made you his heir." Galatians 4:5 Romans 5:6-11 Isaiah 53 John 17-21
We did not earn His love and we cannot loose his love. ROMANS 8:38
Your past does not define you. HIS PERFECT LOVE DEFINES YOU:
Child of God Hope and Freedom come from the Perfect One who chose to be shattered and destroyed, despised and cast out so that we could be healed and redeemed, held close and adopted as His own cherished children. Isaiah 53:3-5
He pursued you with His life. He gave all to adopt you into His arms- as you are. You are defined by the ONE who treasures you and breathes purposeful BEAUTY into your cracks.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN HIS EYES- HE LONGS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE- EVEN YOUR ANGRY, HURT, AND BROKEN VOICE- You can NOT change his adoring love for you as His child. 2 Cor. 5:17 Psalm 139
His redeeming, unconditional, cherishing, treasuring, healing love also gives the strength to set boundaries that prevent abuse and destruction of our hearts and the hearts of our children. You are His treasure. True love sets boundaries: Tolerating unfaithfulness or abuse of yourself or your children is permitting abuse of God's beloved children Proverbs 22:6 Isaiah 58:6-13 Psalm 17:8 Zech 2:8
HE longs to hear the sound of your voice. You can be naked, guilty, scarred, broken, victimized, exposed and transparent before Him- He is your beloved, unconditionally loving and redeeming you, always adoring you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes- inside and out, scars and all, desiring you, gentle with you and Whose love you cannot quench. (Romans 8:38) (Psalm 139) (Isaiah 54:4-6)
Grasping this kind of freedom and forever focus on His GREAT love for us gives us natural ability to lay down our fears. Without fear we can be imperfect, secure, transparent, real and a giver of real love with no strings attached and less fear of the future.
