Learning to walk!...Celebration, brokenness and prayer for the hurting.

June 27, 2015

LOOK WHO'S WALKING!!!

As I learn to walk by faith, stumbling along the way towards a beloved African treasure, look who is learning to literally walk!  He took his first steps this week at 17 months old!  This BIG DEAL was preceded by three sessions per week for the last 9 months from OT, PT and early intervention specialists.  Look at him go!!!

Treasuring the blessings at home as we wait to embrace Mohale.  (They will look like "twins"  I've always adored the thought of twins.  Perhaps this is why:)

*************

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Prov. 13:12

It is June again.

We are at a stand-still again waiting on signatures.

Nothing seems fast enough when love is calling. 

Even surrounded by precious treasures and inexplicable faithfulness of God, my heart feels deeply grieved today...  It was in June of last year that Mohale's adoption to our family was completed within the beautiful country that cradles him.  We were not present, though celebrated in hope that we would soon embrace our son.  Over one year and much red tape later, we ache for hope.  It's hard to admit that, even with all the miracles behind us, I struggle trying not to worry his re-adoption won't happen.

I struggle over frightening "what if's."  

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick."
This week my gaze slipped and my heart has felt horribly dry and sick.

And as we wait, we continue to pray for others in need of hope.

Countless families wait for their beloved and stuck treasures.  My friend Kathy and her family, along with over 130 other waiting American families, have been waiting over 2 years to embrace their adopted children.  Benny and Shiloh, remain stuck in deplorable conditions within orphanages in the D.R. Congo.
Another family in Bolivia has been jumping through hoops in hopes of adopting three siblings.
Several friends, like thousands of others, love foster children indefinitely as they wait for courts to decide permanent placement while praying the court decision won't result in further abuse of the child they love.

While some rejoice,

others we know are recently grieving.

Tears have flowed heavily this year.

Grief is complicated- especially when, from our vantage point, it appears that injustice won.

  

Hope springing up

Praying: 

Dear God,
You say you are close to the brokenhearted.  Let each of these hurting children and each of the hurting families actually feel You, our Comforter, close to their hearts.  Bring peace in the darkness.
Show them Hope- when grief and cruelty have blackened out hope.
Breathe for them when it hurts too much to breathe.
Bring peace when fear rages loud.
Cause them see redemption and unexpected purpose to rise. 

Break the hearts of social workers, judges, politicians and millions of others over the vulnerable children who wait without a voice.

Cause the red tape to untangle for Mohale's adoption, Benny and Shiloh's permission to leave the DRC, and countless other children in need of loving homes.
Cause adoptions around the world to expedite.
Cause judges to choose safe families over the risk of repeated abuse.

Show us anything we can do to comfort children who are orphaned but not adoptable.

"Tree" by Sierra age 6

Gratefulness shouts within my heart that Mohale, and those around him, are surrounded by beautiful love as we wait.
He is truly safe, healthy and happy and unaware of this wait- because of those who have dared to step out and love- knowing their hearts will break.
Bless those who dare to love your treasures while knowing their hearts will ache.  
Send more of us to do the same. 

Praying today for multitudes of orphaned children and foster children who are not living in good conditions.  Dearest Father, fill them with Your peace and fatherly love in their often cruel darkness.  Bring light to them.  Break these children free to be embraced by Your love.  Send more people to love and care for them as Mohale is so beautifully loved.

********

As precious Baby J is learning to walk, we are crazy happy and loud with shouts of praise and celebration.  I love to hug this precious love (we all do!)  And then, we are learning to walk also....by faith, in grateful trust as our hearts so deeply ache to hold Mohale.

Please pray with us for the necessary signatures to happen so our walk towards Mohale can continue.  Please pray with us for each child who waits and for each person who has stepped out towards voiceless children in any way.

Thank you for praying with us.

Happy Birthday!!! Sierra turns 6!

Sierra is 6!!!

As we wait for a beloved treasure so far away, 
today we CELEBRATE another Birthday!   

I can't believe that our girl is 6!!  

It feels like only yesterday when we got "The Call."  We'd told the county we will love any child, any disability, any race, either gender.  We had decided to say "yes" to the first two children in need of a loving home.

Sight unseen, files unread, we were committed to love and care for her as our daughter for as long as she would be allowed to stay.

(I was scared. But God's love coaxed us out of the boat.)
BIG CHICKEN.

The next day our social worker dutifully went over Sierra's file and history with us so we could sign papers to bring her home as our foster to adopt daughter.  Then, this picture came to my email.  It's the first picture we saw of our daughter.

She was 9 months old.  

One week later, we met her.  

That moment changed everything for our family.  

This powerful little

Princess impassioned our hearts.

This is the day David met Sierra- Two months later, her first word was "Dada!"

Grateful. 

Today she woke up to a bedroom that had been decorated by her sisters Ianna and Leora as she slept. It was filled with balloons.

Then, also arranged by her oldest sisters,

Spa Time:  
(This video the sister's made is precious!)

Complete with lipstick, glitter and a crown...

Then came her birthday photo shoot. Sierra's favorite kitty just couldn't stay away...

Big sister and little sister

The resulting photo

Sierra and Silver.  This kitty would not stay out of the pics-

Big brother Liam made her cake!

Cupcakes by Leora

Sierra's sweet, young life has already melted hearts.  Numerous families have been changed because of her... Parents have signed up to love children through foster care or adoption after meeting Sierra. Several children have been especially adored by foster parents until their families could bring them home.
Families have been created. 

Precious daughter, 

You were created within your beloved, adoring and precious birthmother's body for a purpose- to be loved and and then to reflect His love.  You are gracious, generous, grateful, thoughtful and sweet- you are deeply beautiful. 

You are loved crazy, unimaginably Big.  ALL THE TIME.

Travel Vaccines make me want to run. Looking back though the door.

 Carry your candle, run to the darkness.
Kathy Troccoli  "Go Light Your World"

Travel Vaccines
I called to schedule our travel vaccines again.  It's like an act of faith for me.
It's been over a year since we initially received them.  We want to be ready for our miracle.

Some of our kids get excited about shots because vaccines always mean a gratefulness celebration with ice cream and Oreo's.

Liam doesn't get excited at all...not a speck.  (It didn't help that last time he got shots the nurse came in before preparing the vaccinations and asked him to show her his arm so she'd know how long of a needle use.  It looked like he was going to faint. I went speechless and couldn't stifle my nervous laugh.. It just busted out and got spit on Liam. (Awful.)

Alyssa is his opposite.  She sings all the way to the shot clinic and tells the nurse "thank you" afterwards.

Liam and Alyssa

Simple vaccines always trigger my heart to glimpse back to places I've been and people I've loved beyond this comfortable culture we are currently raising our children in.

 Amongst a treasury of childhood memories, I especially and deeply ache as I recall a special friend- a sweet boy who lived near our home and warmed my heart like sunshine.  We were each around 11 years old.  I loved being near him because he was always positive, cheerful and selfless.  He melted my heart with his unquenchable smiled while his frail, crippled, little body suffered.   He was beautiful.  I'll never forget how his broken hearted mom agonized over her only living son because of all he SUFFERED from polio while knowing a vaccine had been available-
yet out of their reach.

It's not right.

If you are a Medical Research Scientist, Medical Dr, or Nurse, thank you for being a hero.
THANK YOU
for sacrificing years- even decades of your life learning to save lives.

It's a gift to live in our wealthy culture with healthcare that most in our world
can't even dream of.  

It's easy to loose sight of those who suffer just beyond our socioeconomic doors.  

Because of those I've seen and known outside our culture of abundance, I ache knowing that as we take our children to the shot clinic, other children outside of our socioeconomic doors will die unnecessarily from the same diseases my children have received vaccines for...

before we even get back to our car. 

It's not right.

Before I even finish typing this sentence, others will unnecessarily enter devastating bereavement simply because there was not access to uncontaminated water.....or a medical clinic,....or a hospital... a medical doctor...antibiotics....a mosquito net....shelter or
food.

Precious children, siblings, parents....are dying, grieving, suffering....unnecessarily 
while just out of our sight 

(but sometimes, not out of our reach.)  

Daring to peek beyond our barrier is hard because the pain is piercing and numbers of those in need unfathomable.  

It feels too big.

But helping even ONE is everything to that ONE.

Discouragement can rob us the gift of delivering an answered prayer.

What if my friend had been given just ONE polio vaccine?  Just ONE?
He could have lived longer.

There are many great organizations that bring vaccinations, medical care, food, water, shelter, and education, to those in need. 

Compassion International has a good reputation.  This link describes needs they are addressing:
Compassion International link

World Vision is another one of many.  Here are links to two of their programs: 

World Vision Vaccination Program

World Vision Clean Water Program

Compassion International and World Vision both have incredible child sponsorship programs!

Thanking God today for abundant life saving resources.

Praying today for unfathomable multitudes of children and parents who needlessly suffer. 
Praying today for the people who are giving and bringing and going and serving those in need- one precious life at a time.  Praying for more ways to connect our abundance to those in need. 

Is there a One we can bring hope to today?

Keep Changing the World by Mikeschair and Lecrae
Lyrics:

Something here is wrong
there are children without homes
but we just move along
to take care of our own

There's so much suffering
Just outside our door
A cry so deafening
Oh, we just can't ignore

To all the people who are fighting for the broken
All the people who keep holding onto love
All the people who are reaching for the lonely
Keep changing the world

Take a look around
Before the sun goes out
What's lost can still be found
It's not too late now

It only takes a spark
To make the fire burn
So reach inside your heart
And let this be the start

Link to official YouTube video

Tiny miracles along the way help us to look up.

Friday, March 22, 2015

Someone gave David tickets for our entire family to Aquatica Sea World Waterpark last week!  This was a huge gift early in the week and the kids were filled with excited anticipation!!!  The only problem was that the tickets were for one specific day- March 22.  All week the weather forecast was RAIN for that day.  Rain was forecasted for the day before and after as well.  So, the night before we prayed for God to keep the rain from the park. 

As I awoke early on the big day, it was raining hard.  My heart was heavy from discouragement as we are in between tasks we can do to get our adoption completed again for Mohale.  This is hard on a control freak whose heart is aching for a child out of reach.

I turned to my iPhone Bible app and began to read.  Here is what jumped out at me...

It was not by their sword that they won the land,

nor did their arm bring them victory;  

it was Your right hand, Your arm,

and the light of Your face, for You loved them. Ps 44:2-5

There is nothing I can DO at this point except
be still and know that He
(The maker of the Heavens and the Earth; the One Who Loves us beyond comprehension)
is God. 
Ps 46:10

Hope began to fill my heart again- like gentle, warm rays of sunshine beginning to dispel clouds on a cold rainy day.

As it rained, we loaded our big van and prepared for a day at the waterpark.  It rained all the way there.  Yet, as we got close to the park, the rain drops stopped.  At the park, sun began to break through the clouds.  We spent the entire day there until 5:00.  The weather above us was BEAUTIFUL while rain clouds were all around in the distance.

After an incredibly fun day, we walked back to the big van with happy, laughing children, amazed at this discreet, loving fingerprint of God's reality and love.  Just then, a single rain drop landed on the asphalt in front of my foot- the first raindrop I had seen at the park all day...it felt like I was seeing His signature and hearing His voice with my eyes.  Deep within, this thought embraced my heart: 

If He can stop the rain, He can bring Mohale home-

...BY HIS RIGHT HAND, BY HIS ARM, AND BY THE LIGHT OF HIS FACE

 because He loves.

Raindrop

Then to top it off, friends of ours could hardly wait to tell us their story that had been unfolding at the same time.
They had also needed it to not rain near the same area of this waterpark.  The husband had a concrete pouring job there.  His coworkers had encouraged him to cancel.  He told them he'd prayed for the sun to come out and then in pure faith kept the trucks and workers scheduled- inspite of the advice of others due to the pouring and forecasted rain.  In the early morning he arrived on the job site which was right next to this water park.  The sun came out.  He and his crew noticed clouds all around, yet blue sky above them.  They poured the concrete.  Our friend competed the job and received a much needed paycheck for the needs of his family.   

God puts His desires into our hearts. We step out in ridiculous and even uncertain faith. Then He accomplishes outcomes. It's no mistake that both of our families desired sun that day- both prayed for sun in spite of what the forecast said- and God had this planned out all along.  Both families needed a boost of faith. 

 Unexpected sunshine in the center of a rainy season causes us to look up.  

If we wait for perfect conditions before stepping out of the boat, we miss out on miracles that so powerfully reveal His precious, personal love.

You are loved. 

Visa update 2

Our agency emailed me today that after the USCIS processes the DS260, the USCIS will again conduct an investigation on Mohales adoptability. Then they will file a letter stating such. Then, his adoption can be pursued. I suppose that's when we will get his updated referral. We'd hoped to travel in June. Now I see that can happen only by a miracle. Praying for that miracle. 

VISA update

The U.S. Dept of children's affairs just called. She walked me through re-submitting the updated visa application. 

Now we wait for the U.S.C.I.S. and the U.S. Embassy in Johannesburg and the government in Lesotho to work together with our adoption agency on the next steps. This is my foggy understanding of the road ahead:

• An investigation will be conducted on Mohale's legal adoptability. 

• A medical clearance will be done on Mohale. 

• Finally, if the above obstacles are cleared, we will get his updated referral to our family for adoption. At that point of course we will accept again. 

• A visa approval for Mohale can be given. 

• Finally we will be able to travel to finalize the adoption, pick up his visa and bring him home. 

There are a lot of hurdles to pray through again. But. This ship is moving.  We don't know whether this could be days, weeks or more months of waiting. Praying for a miracle of June travel.  Thank you for continued prayers. 

Happy Mother's Day when I stand Under the light of Grace...

(No news yet on Mohale...but Happy Mother's Day!)

Mother's Day under the light of Grace...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE unexpected surprises!!!

This unexpected TOTAL SURPRISE came in the mail today:

Along with this:

Whoever sent it, please know it caused my heart to swell with gratefulness and emotion.  

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this- all SEVEN beloved treasures are named!

 Thank you!!
Grateful for this powerful gift of faith and encouragement all in one!!!

I'm not taking it off.

**********************************************************************


As Mother's Day approaches, I've been contemplating: 

Why in the world am I dreading mother's day??

And this came to mind:

Under the black light of PERFECTIONISM, 

Mother's Day is a reminder that I'm not measuring up to the perfect mom I want to be for my kids- Instead, they likely will all need counseling someday...(I've already warned them.)

Guilt and motherhood.  Because of perfectionism, they typically go together.

Perfectionism, instead of grace, results in sticky, discouraging, sleep-depriving, mommy guilt.

I'm  DEEPLY, indescribably GRATEFUL to be a mom.  Looking at each of them today causes my eyes to tear up with love and gratefulness- I could burst.  How did I get to be the one honored to love and raise these six (soon to be seven) treasures?

Then there are too many days when tears well up from discouragement-

because I feel not so good at this motherhood thing...

I DONT WANT TO FAIL AT THIS.

Perfectionism is a thief.  Perfectionism steals joy, underscores comparisons, and replaces freedom with false guilt.  It's yucky.  Perfectionism causes me to feel
OVERWHELMED at every turn.  

Yet, perfect parenthood is a lie.  There AIN'T NO SUCH THING.

Being a perfect mom is impossible. 
Yet grace frees us up to savor the chaos and laugh along the way.

***

Perfectionism condemns me for the times I lock the bathroom door and cry into a towel...

Grace savors the sweet times the kids and I spend laughing at our mistakes.

***

Perfectionism causes me to grieve what I am not able give or be for our kids.

Grace fills my heart to overflowing as I watch the beautiful, generous people they are becoming as a result.  

***

Perfectionism tempts me to pretend to like cooking and baking even after being up all night with the baby. (I actually don't like being in the kitchen even if the baby slept.)

Grace let's us have a blast driving through Del Taco for lunch and McDonalds for warm chocolate chip cookies again this week. 

***

Perfectionism disables all joy because I spoke impatient, grouchy words before listening.  Again.

Grace let's me savor how forgiving and grace filled our children are from all the practice!

***

Perfectionism causes me hide our messes in the closet.

Grace results in laughter when someone opens a closet door and chaos falls to the floor.
Grace doesn't hide messes.

***

Perfectionism shouts out the times I've asked God WHY he doesn't make me perfect because our treasures deserve the BEST.

Grace rejoices and celebrates that they do have the BEST...
THEY have the BEST HEAVENLY FATHER who shows grace and redemption.  


***

Grace sets us AND our children free to be OK with being imperfect.  That's redemption.

Grace frees us to LAUGH and ENJOY fleeting messy, unorganized, unplanned moments with our rapidly growing children...

Even if moments before we blew it again.  

This mother's day, I'm enjoying freedom!  Enjoy freedom with me. Enjoy that it's OK to not be anywhere near our picture of the perfect Mom because we have a Perfect, Redeeming Father who is crazy in love with us and our kids... 

JUST AS WE ARE
(even when we are blowing it again.)

His light shines best through brokenness into a world that needs real hope.

It's safe to be REAL. That is when hope is seen.  He holds our children SO CLOSE TO HIS HEART as He directs our steps- one hour at a time- on this journey of parenthood.
He prefers imperfection and brokenness to write the most beautiful stories.

ISAIAH 40:11

Like a shepherd, He will care for his flock,

    gathering the lambs in his arms,

Hugging them as he carries them,

    leading their mothers to good pasture.

Being REAL with our kids (and everyone else) is a gift.  Being perfect is poop.

Enjoying Mother's Day Wholeheartedly!

Movement and Hope!!

Two blog posts in one day!!  One hour after I prayed the prayer mentioned in my last blog post, our agency called me.  As usual, our agency showing up on caller ID caused my tummy to flip out.  

(Yet, somehow, I had a feeling this was going to be good.)

Our agency director had just gotten off of the phone with the USCIS.  Our USCIS officer told them this morning that we do NOT need to fill out the i800 form for Mohale again.  We originally completed that application in February 2014.  It turns out that we do not need to apply for this a second time!!!  That saves us several weeks.  

Therefore, the next step is for us to jump ahead and resubmit our visa application for Mohale (DS-260.)   We originally submitted this last July 23, 2014.  At that time we were told to expect travel approval within about two weeks.  However, five months later, in December, the US told us they could not issue a visa for him because he was already adopted by us.  Due to child safety regulations, visas are only given before a completed adoption.  Therefore, it was mandated that his adoption be dissolved so a visa could be issued and then he can be readopted by us.  Finally, last Tuesday, Mohale's adoption by us was dissolved. 

Today, Leora stayed home from Science co-op and cared for our thee littles so I could get this visa application form filled out and submitted again.  However, when I got online to do it, I was not able to open the form because the system still considers it submitted from last July.  I left a message with our helpful USCIS officer.

(Update May 7, 2014:  The USCIS officer just called and said she is working on getting the form cleared out so we can redo it.  She is uncertain of how long this will take.  This step could take several weeks. However, she is certainly working hard with others in other departments to get this done.  Grateful.)

Please pray with us!

(Because the facts sound so crazy, I want to say:  Although the delays have been hard and I've fought discouragement and panic, we signed up for this.  We were told when we signed up for the Lesotho program in early 2013 to expect glitches and delays.  They told us we would be the first Americans to adopt from Lesotho since HAGUE accreditation and therefore, our agency and both governments would be learning together with our family.  Although it's taken an additional 10 months so far to sort out, this is the only glitch we've hit.  Everyone we've interacted with has been up-front with us, helpful and clearly concerned for children.  We pray that the result is a flood of children who need forever families into homes who long for them.)

Centurion faith

Centurion Faith

As I was quickly reading my Bible in the dark of morning (before littles awake), the story of a Roman centurion stood out to me.  A centurion is a military official.  As I read, my friend Anna texted they are praying with "centurion faith" (Anna's blog link)  Coincidence?  No way. It was a tiny miracle to bolster my discouraged heart. This morning, by His grace, I prayed with "centurion faith."  Here's the story from the book of Matthew about the Roman Centurion and his faith:

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith...

Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment. Matthew 8:5-10, 8:13

Lately I've been reading my favorite parts of the Bible- the books called Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I'll never tire of these because they are accounts of the life of Jesus written by these four men who knew him.  I especially love the quotes of his actual words- the One who gave all out of love for the least of us.  It's all about True Love and His heart for those of us who are a mess.  If you are in need of True Love, here are links to the first chapter of each book.  There are arrows on each page to the next chapters...

Matthew

Mark

Luke
John

Dissolved...

April 28, 2015

Our son's adoption is dissolved.  Upside down emotions? Let's celebrate! I never imagined wanting to celebrate the dissolution of our son's adoption. Typing it actually makes me feel nauseous.  

However, last December, the USCIS required, per HAGUE protocol, that our adoption of Mohale be dissolved and redone in a different order.  Finally, today we learned it has been dissolved.   

Please pray with us that necessary forms are filed, accepted and our re-adoption of him be completed expediently and in the order the satisfies both governments and HAGUE.

Part of my heart is crazy happy over this obstacle being loosened up today...

The time God replaced loneliness with purpose

I have struggled often with loneliness.

  As we wait and wait and wait and wait some more for news regarding precious, beloved, Mohale, I'll share this story in hopes that God's strength in my weakness will encourage another.

A long time ago....

A season of loneliness changed my life.  I was 19 years old, new to the United States, and a new transfer student at the University of Arizona in Tuscon.  Weeks before, my parents had helped me move into an apartment several miles from the campus.  Although they lived only 2 hours away, my heart felt desperately homesick and horribly LONELY.  The loneliness felt thick. 

One morning was filled with a grey fog as I sat in my white Ford Tempo, parked outside of the Chemistry building.  That little car was a sanctuary from the chaos of unfamiliarity that often comes with a new move.

My heart was aching from dread of stepping out from the familiarity of my car into another day surrounded by strangeness and strangers.  Desperately, I agonized to God through tears "God, WHY don't you provide me some friends!!  I am SO lonely!!" Through the painful, grey atmosphere, in clear silence, unexpected words struck my heart:

Stop seeking love.  Seek to give love.  

Through the silence, I pondered these words right there in my familiar Ford Tempo.   Purposeful truth began to gently dissipate some loneliness.  Reality came into focus...  I'd already been given more love than the universe could contain.  Now God was asking me to SEEK for ways to give His love away.  

SEEK to GIVE Love.  It was not about me- yet everything to do with loving the One who already loved me.  Matthew 25:40

In the days that followed,  I began to seek for ways to give love to strangers, acquaintances, friends, professors...through a smile, a note, a "thank you", an encouraging word, a voicemail.  With purposeful love, fear of rejection was disarmed.  I could give love without caring how it was perceived or if it was received or rejected because seeking to give love has nothing to do with getting anything in return.

Perfect love truly does cast out fear...(even though we are imperfect)

Weeks later I stumbled across this bible verse:  

Give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38

Awestruck.  This old, stale passage had proven true and suddenly radiated with new life and hope!   

My life was FULL of people who He loved---People from countless cultures and backgrounds, beliefs and histories...People I never would have imagined even knowing!  I'd stopped seeking to get and instead sought to give.  The result was an overflow of beauty!

Seasons change.  Now, as a mom in my late 40's, I can say there still are days where loneliness and insecurity threaten to come in.  However, this truth is as powerful now as it was over 25 years ago.  When I remember to use it,  purposeful love powerfully drives fear away.  I've sought to give love on job interviews, social worker visits, with clients, at Dr's visits, with grouchy personnel, in classes, in waiting rooms, at new churches, when being asked to tell our story, when sitting in an airport....

EVERYONE is in need of at least a smile or an encouraging word or even a grateful "thank you."   

Although my experience years ago resulted in a lot of amazing people in my life, sometimes the overflow of giving love away is a season of aloneness...especially if you are daring to risk.  Yet, those times now are precious.  It's ok to be alone.  Such time alone with Him is a treasure. You are loved beyond comprehension.

He is with you always!

How about you?  Are you lonely sometimes too?  Can I encourage you to Seek to give love away today?  It will change your life.  

Perfect love has no fear- You are loved perfectly, unconditionally, unchangeably by Love, Himself. You are free to risk.

Romans 8:38

Live to Give

ComPASSION shrinks Fear Monsters and Francis Chan made us Laugh out Loud

No news yet on precious Mohale.  As we waaaaiiiit, circumstances recently have me pondering...

Fear.  That has been one of my greatest weaknesses as long as I can remember.
Can anyone relate?  Some are natural risk takers.  Others, like myself, tremble easily and want to stay within the lines of safety.  Yet, at an early age, my parents often took us to places around our planet where we saw unimaginable suffering.

The result was a seed of compassion that began to grow passionately within the lifeless places that fear had left in my heart.

Acrylic by "L.E." age 11

Compassion competed with my fears.  
(FEAR. I had my first ever panic attack on this journey-  Really, Fear roared loudly in the beginning. Yet, Compassion- from the suffering I've seen- gave me strength.)

Perhaps that's one way His love within us casts fear away?
Perhaps?  I do know that each time we've dared to step out in risk, the waves of fear roar loudly.  Yet, the passion for suffering children, coupled with God's closeness and peace that come in the midst of brokenness and pain, have caused fear to shrink-
or at least fueled endurance in spite of it.

(Even though I am a really BIG CHICKEN)

Self portrait 

Every dream will eventually reach obstacles and require endurance.  In addition, doesn't it seem true that voices of fear and discouragement roar loudest of all when we are on a precipice?

Every pregnancy is bound to be met with well meaning others who must tell you of the most tragic birthing story they've heard of or experienced.

Every adoption is peppered by stories from well meaning (or not) others who have a driving need to tell of horrific tales that are adoption related. (That probably happened to their second cousin's neighbor's sister-in-law's friend's brother.)

Every risk...selling a home, taking that job, pursuing a passion, giving up a career, purchasing that one way plane ticket, committing to years of education, starting a business, facing an addiction, speaking up when others strongly disagree, planning that trip to another country and culture....stepping out of the comfortable, "safe" boat in any way shape or form will be met with such waves.

Yet, it's been my experience that when facing our biggest fears, His purposeful passion within my heart truly shrinks the fear monsters.

Treasures found in hard, dark, painful places of loss, grief and brokenness with Him are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.  (OH how much we would have missed if we'd stayed safe.)

Being brave is not an absence of fear, but moving forward in spite of fear.  True Love required. 

(Baby J is wearing a shirt sold by Rescued and Redeemed)

Recently as I held my treasured son (the brave hero pictured above) who of course is totally worth dying a million, infinity times for, I was approached by a person who did not know me and was implored to inform me that horrible things specifically happen to Christian families (like ours) who adopt children. (My first thought was Is this person actually saying this to me as I hold my son?!  My next thought was:  So, is that considered an excuse to leave children vulnerable?)

This person attempted to add support to their claims with dark scenarios and reference to leaders they respect who teach that often, when Christians adopt (like our family), they are stepping out of God's protective covering.

Just when you think you've heard it all...more leaders who teach their eager followers to place personal first-world safety and comfort above the most vulnerable, exploited and suffering amongst us?  What about the absolute HONOR and gift it is to love another one of God's beloved children?What about the Bible's definition of  True religion- active love for the most vulnerable and voiceless ones James 1:27?  What about grace and freedom that comes from being crazy amazing loved by Him?

Why was I surprised at rising discouragement as I quickly ushered our precious, beloved, little treasures away from this person's unstoppable wave of crashing words while passion within me seemed to force tears to spill from my eyes? Buckets of tears followed once I was alone.  My heart was bolstered by True Love: The cross is not about safety. The cross is about sacrifice. 

In this context, we happened upon a 4 minute You Tube video by Francis Chan that made us all laugh out loud...(perhaps our daughter's years as a little gymnast caused us to laugh all the more.)  He gives an awesome and funny reminder that life is short anyway....so dare to risk out of True love.

Here's the link: Francis Chan on the Balance Beam

What purpose motivates you towards risk? What purpose is worth suffering for?  What passion is worth dying for?

Somehow, that kind of love/purpose/passion, destroys fear and discouragement.


That's vital because our world is filled with suffering.  We are commanded to love others as much as ourselves.  Love is our best weapon against the cruelty and suffering that ravages our world.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out all fear. 
1 John 4:18

Love is action- even if we are afraid. Love has skin in the game. True Love is dangerous by human standards. Are you holding back on pursuing a passion that will in any way help someone- even one?

Treasured neighbors in our world need love with skin on.
Often it's even me and you who need a fearless love. 

Sidewalk chalk drawing and photo by Ianna, Leora and friends.  Model is our beloved superhero Baby J.

I love to ponder stories of heroes whose passion spurred them on in the face of resistance...what if they'd stayed safe?

 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Mother Teresa, Edward Jenner, Steve Jobs, Katie Davis, Louis Pasteur, Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, Joan of Arc, Harriet Tubman, George Mueller, Alexander Fleming, Oskar Schindler... and thousands more- most unknown.

There's so much to miss out on by listening to voices of fear.  We all die anyway.  Let's allow His unstoppable compassion motivate us to action.

True LOVE truly does cast out fear.

Let's replace fear with passion 

Let's really live!

Happy birthday Leora

April 16, 2015

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEORA!!!

Today we officially have 2 teens in our home!  Beautiful, Sweet Leora turned 13 today.

She's hoped and hoped and hoped that she and Mohale would celebrate together... 

Hoping for next year!

Leora, 

You are so beautiful hearted and filled with compassion.  The way you care so much for each of your siblings in creative ways they understand amazes my heart. 

I'm honored, humbled, and grateful to be your mom... 

Your dad and I are crazy in love with you all the time.  Happy Burthday!!! 

Celebrating thirteen years with our beloved daughter, Leora! 

"Leora" means "the light"

Our entire pregnancy with Leora was high risk.  I was terrified that she would not make it.  Her neonatologist scheduled me for 3 ultrasounds per week to monitor her during the last trimester. 

The FEAR that gripped my heart that entire 8 months is indescribable.  

DAILY, hourly, I prayed for and tried to surrendered her precious, unborn life to her creator.  

Hourly, as fear crept in, I would hold my large belly and praise God for her life and the light that she already was.
I prayed for a name that would fit her during that scary season.
Leora.  We agreed it was the perfect name.

She was delivered by C-section on April 16, 2003.

HEALTHY

(I love C-sections!)

Her neonatal Dr. described her as "Strong."

Leora, tears of gratefulness often come to me when I recall that moment.

You are truly His light and strength to me and many.  You are a calm and gentle person with strength that could only come from Him.  

What a GIFT you are. 

You bring peace and hilarious laughter into the most difficult times. 

You are truly a light! 

And Truly, He holds you close.

GRATEFUL!